he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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