she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My vagina is officially offended.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
