The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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