soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found the puke drawer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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