vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
