The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Come see our sink grown plant.
vagina is talking i cant
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
