he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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