she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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