Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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