i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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