Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
