2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize