My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
