i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
