i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
