Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wow bdsm is so cute
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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