thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
