I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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