The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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