im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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