I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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