are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
