Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
