First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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