I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
as a side note pls kill me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
