Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON