I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN