According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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