Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".