Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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