MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.