dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?