Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
