I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
