There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize