I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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