The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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