I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
