i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
