My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
