I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
