I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
