She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
