In the future we'll all be gay
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
