$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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