i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i came on her dog
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.