Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.