Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major