phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.