I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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