He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.