I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
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She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar