I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings