It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
