Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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