I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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