i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
