I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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