I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The feeling are messing with the penis
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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