you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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