Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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