So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
