Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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