I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
