shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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