I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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