absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
