just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
