This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
