Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my shit smells like andre
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
