I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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