Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
