Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
