I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
