My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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