we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
